OWNING IT #4: REBUILD, REBIRTH, REEMERGENCE

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately. This past year was one of tremendous growth, challenge, and unexpected surprises. When I look back at this year, I see just how a great and terrible beauty this has been for me. I grew exponentially, joyously, painfully. I became more authentic as I hacked away at gangrenous parts of me that no longer served.

A year and a half ago I took on my own restaurant gig. I then experienced a lot of death in the form of family members and relationships. Then I changed day jobs, going back to a job that offered less pay but also less emotional strain so I could have the energy after work to focus on my art and see if “going pro”, i.e. embracing the gig life, was the life for me. I met the man of my dreams who has grown to be the love of my life.

Then I burned out, utterly exhausted from overwork, overstretching, and doggedly trying to add soul and breath into the shallow, entertainment side of the belly dance industry.

It’s been one of those years that has changed me forever and significantly altered my course. I more or less quit gigging in September yet am still processing all I learned and experienced in this momentous year. I could probably write a book on everything I discovered about myself and my relationship with belly dance, but here are 3 big ones:

Know when to stop. I think there are things we can only discover by being on the brink of exhaustion, but it becomes very easy to lose sight of your path when you push yourself to work relentlessly. 

Become familiar with your own natural seasons of work. On her podcast, Make it Happen, Jen Carrington often mentions “season of hustle”. There are seasons where you are going to push a little harder, work a little more, but you also need to embrace seasons of rest, regularly, and without judgment. I’m a chronic overachiever, so this is incredibly hard for me.

Practice patience, practice abundance. My dream was, and is, to build my dance business to the point where I can support myself part time and go down to a part time day job. I said yes to every gig and every collaborative opportunity, because I was afraid if I said no the opportunities would never come again, and I would lose my chance to grow, earn a steady income, and make my dream of supporting myself through my art less attainable. I operated from a scarcity mindset instead of one of abundance. I was impatient. I was hard on myself. There are things that only come with time, and for me this dream is one of them. It’s been hard to slow down, but I’m all the better for it.

As uncomfortable as it has been the past few months I’m enjoying letting go of what doesn’t serve me, I take an odd comfort in plowing through old ways of thinking and behaving, preparing to rebuild, preparing for a rebirth a reemergence of a more refined and authentic artistic vision.

What can you do to pause and check in with your Self, your inner artist, your voice to make sure you’re on your authentic path?

What ways can you start to build moments of reflection and rest into your day? Your dance practice?

Comment below because I’d love to know…

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